blogger mom

We celebrated Evan's birthday today with my family. I'm trying to get the house cleaned up a little now before bed and I've been putting away Evan's birthday gifts. I just opened up the card my grandmother gave him. The card was signed, "Love, Nean." Just her name. It seems so strange still. She is alone, my grandfather is gone. It's been one year today.

I still miss him.

If I stop and concentrate I can still feel his whiskers on my cheek.

If I try really hard, I can remember his voice and almost hear it again in my head.

When I watch Riley doing one of his silly dances and making his goofy faces, looking so much like Grandpa, I can almost see Grandpa doing his "jig."

I went in my basement yesterday for canning jars and the smell of my basement reminded me of the smell of his basement. I missed him in that moment, missed watching him fiddle around in that basement on one project or another.

He loved me so unconditionally. I was his only granddaughter and I could do nothing wrong in his eyes. It feels good to be loved like that.

I still miss him, I don't want to ever stop missing him. To stop missing him would feel like I've forgotten him...and I don't ever want to forget.