blogger mom

I've been trying for the last 20 minutes to settle my mind and get some work done, but it's not working. So, I thought it might help to take a few minutes and write out some of the stuff that's swimming around in my head. This is for my own benefit, not the benefit of any reader--so don't expect much of this to make sense.

I just read an article in the New York Times magazine titled "The Mind of a Cybermolester." Big mistake. I've proven repeatedly to myself that I can't read crap like this. I told Amy Joy and Dan last week when they were over watching tv with Jen that I couldn't watch Law and Order SVU with them. My mind can't turn it off. I begin thinking about all the things I would do to someone who ever hurt my babies. Is it any wonder I decided I could never make it as a social worker?

Then I check my email to see a message from Barb in Bowling Green asking for special prayer for the Fleming family because Austin died tonight.

I find myself thinking about/praying for Palmer, Amy, and Micah. I try to put myself in their position, and it becomes such a painful thought that I have to push it away. So many things just don't make sense.

I took the boys to visit my grandparents today and I think it is time to officially say that my grandpa is gone. There is absolutely no sign of the man I grew up knowing. Dementia has stripped all of who he was from him. This was the first time where there wasn't even a hint of him left, not even that little twinkle in his eye when he smiled at me. He's so lost and confused all the time. We'll all get old. I want to love him and help care for him despite how his mind and body age. Lord, help me know how. Help us all know how.

Saw my brother tonight. Why did it have to come to this?

Saw my mom tonight. She has been given grace for this moment and an inner strength for this part of the journey that blows me away.

Talked to my dad today. He's quite possibly the coolest dad ever, of all time.

My husband, he's pretty amazing as well. He loves to cook these days. We're having a lot of fun learning to eat the right way together. I didn't talk to him very nicely when I left for my grandparents today. I'm regretting it.He's at work right now and I'm wishing he was home so I could tell him I'm sorry. We're going to the Kenyon Inn again this year for Valentine's Day and I'm already counting down the days. I can't wait to spend 24 hours of child-free time with him.

What mom can say she enjoys taking her three year old and one year old to the grocery store. I have darn good kids. We had a blast at Kroger today. I'm pretty sure everyone else there thought we were crazy. Being a mom is a great job.

Kevin and Mandy are having a girl. I can finally buy some pink!

Missing Becky tonight. I could really use some time with my best friend right now. She is a gift to me.

Time's up. I have to work. I have to cut up cheese for Riley's snack at school tomorrow.